A Coaching Session: Releasing the fear of letting others down and embracing self care.

Welcome back, I have a surprise for you...

We've been invited to listen in on a coaching session.

Joey: What would you like to work on today?

Client: I think I'm on the verge of burning out and I want to catch myself before I crash.

Joey: That's great awareness. What is your specific goal for today's call?

Client: I'd like to work on my time management and self care routine. I've been over extending myself and I'm paying the price. I continue to fill everyone's tank, while mine is leaking.

Joey: How will you know this call has been successful?

Client: I have a pre plan for what I'm capable of, where I'm willing to compromise and what's a non negotiable for me.

Joey: That's amazing. It sounds like you've already put some thought into this?

Client: Yes, I've just been afraid of executing it. I don't want to let anyone down.

Joey: Tell me more. Who do you think you are letting down?

Client: My family, my team at work, my friends. I am always making myself available to them, or at least I try to. I feel guilty when I'm not available.

Joey: It sounds like you really love showing up for your people. You truly care.

Client: I do. And that's why I hate when I can't be available, having to say no.

Joey: When you have to say no, what do you think they make it mean?

Client: That I don't care about them, or love them. That I'm selfish.

Joey: Is it true that you don't care about them?

Client: No.

Joey: When you believe the thought “they think I'm selfish” how do you feel?

Client: Unappreciated and maybe a little angry. I go above and beyond for everyone and the one time I can't be available, I'm selfish.

Joey: Why do you think they would think that?

Client: I'm putting my needs before theirs. I want to be liked. I want to do a good job and when I say no, I feel like I am giving them a reason to not like me. For example, I love when I can watch my sister's kids. My kids love their cousins, it's great when it works out. It's when I can't make it work, I feel guilty. I try to rearrange my schedule to help her out.

Joey: When you aren't able to rearrange your schedule, does she call you selfish?

Client: No, but she's thinking it.

Joey: Can you read her mind?

Client: (chuckling) No

Joey: Sometimes what we think others are thinking, is really what we are thinking. Is it possible you think you're being selfish?

Client: I don't want to be selfish.

Joey: You make it sound like it's a bad thing.

Client: It is.

Joey: Can you tell me more.

Client: Selfish people only think of themselves. They don't care about anyone else. They think the world revolves around them.

Joey: Is that how you see yourself?

Client: No, but I'm afraid that's how others see me.

Joey: That's normal. We want to be liked, we want to make good impressions… and we can't control how others perceive us. When you ask your sister for help and she isn't available, do you think she is being selfish?

Client: (chuckles) No, I actually envy her for having solid boundaries, saying no guilt free.

Joey: Isn't that interesting. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like the guilt is attached to you making your life a priority. When you say no to her, you are saying yes to you. You are being selfish and somewhere along the way you learned that is a bad thing.

Pause:

Client: Wow, you're right. I feel guilty prioritizing myself. I don't want to look selfish.

Joey: That's common. People who love being available for others, sometimes have a hard time making time for themselves.

Client: Yep, that makes sense. Like I said, I'm on the verge of burnout because I'm prioritizing everyone else.

Joey: What would prioritizing yourself look like?

Client: Oooh, ever since we moved here, I've been wanting to take a walk in the woods, down the street, but I never have time. I'd like to start there.

Joey: That sounds heavenly. How often would you like to take a walk in the woods?

Client: Ideally 5 days a week, after I drop the kids at school. For starters, I'll plan for tomorrow morning and Friday morning.

Joey: I'm remembering one of your goals for today was self care. This is a great start, is there anything else you'd like to implement?

Client: Feeling comfortable saying no.

Joey: How can you make it more comfortable?

Client: With my sister, maybe I can say “I love you, I wish I could help you, and today it's not going to work.” With my team at work, I can create a boundary, letting them know I won't take on anything after 6pm. During the day, if they ask for help, I'll tell them what I am capable of and let them decide if they want that help or go to someone else.

Joey: Those sound like great ideas. If guilt starts to creep up, what plan would you like to put into place?

Client: Hmmm, when I start to feel guilty, I'll remind myself why I'm doing this. It's for the greater good of everyone. When I'm at the top of my game, rested, eating well, exercising and letting go of some obligations, everyone benefits! Oooh, this is going to be so exciting. I'm also a little nervous.

Joey: I'm excited for you. And it's ok to be nervous. Remember to be kind to yourself along the way. You're building a new muscle and it takes time to get stronger. How can I help you be accountable to your goals?

Client: Can I text you after my walk? And maybe when I say no to someone when I'm not available?

Joey: I would love that!

Thank you 'client' for letting us in.

A look inside my overthinking brain: I was spending too much time trying to come up with a name to protect my clients identity. I found the solution, they will all be named 'client.' Problem solved.

My invitation for you:

• What’s one thing you can do for yourself today?

• If you have children, how can you model for them the importance of self care?

Are you feeling close to burning out?

My newsletter here has some helpful tips.

If this resonates with you, I'd love to find out how I can support you.

You can schedule a curiosity here

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Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.

With so much gratitude,

One form of self care for me is being in nature. I prioritize my beach walks.