My bumpy road to finding peace when comparing myself to…

Welcome back, I'm happy you're here.

I've compared myself to others for years. To be honest, I've been doing it my entire life. It never goes well. I either get a temporary ego boost or feel ashamed and less than.

I'm left with the question– “What can I learn from comparing myself to others?”

I'd love to share my revelations with you:

I compared myself to people who volunteered their time. I felt guilty.

“I should volunteer. It's the right thing to do. Other people are doing it.”

When I took a pause, I realized it didn't interest me. The thought of being a volunteer exhausted me. As an introvert, the idea of “having to be on” was overwhelming.

Then something shifted.

I recognized that people contribute in different ways. Some people give their time, some give money. I am grateful to be in a position to give money and I enjoy it. It doesn't feel like an obligation, I give because it energizes me.

I compared myself to a more experienced coach. I felt insecure.

“She's so much better than me. I'll never be this good.”

During my coach training, I made friends with a woman who studied spiritual psychology at the University of Santa Monica. During our practice coaching sessions, her two extra years of training were tormenting me. She was more experienced and when I compared myself to her I felt insecure and frustrated. She was gracious and reminded me that we each bring our own gifts and that it takes time to develop skill and expertise.

When I took the attention off of her, and focused on my particular gifts, I felt something shift. I also practiced self compassion. “Joey, learning a new skill takes time and patience. Look how far you've come. You're doing a great job. You can both be great coaches.”

Releasing the need to compare is a daily practice for me. It doesn't happen overnight. Baby steps. Inch by inch, I keep moving forward.

I compare myself to my younger cousins. I feel happy and relieved.

“I'm happy for them. I am happy they are proud of their accomplishment.” My younger cousins recently bought a house. The Joey from eight years ago would have compared and judged myself because I rent and don't own. But today, I am happy for them and happy for me. I don't care to own a home right now.

Years ago I would have thought “I should own a home by now. It's a sign of success. Does this mean I'm not successful?”

The tool I relied on, was to seek clarity. When I took the time to get clear, I realized I didn't want to be a homeowner. What a relief that was to discover! I love that I can call my landlord when something breaks. I love where I live. Rarely do we take that next step- “Do I want what I think I'm supposed to have?”

Noticing how and when we compare can be a good teacher. I continue to use these experiences to build confidence and validate myself. (Blog on building self worth.)

My invitation for you:

• Where in your life are you most confident?

• Where do you wish you were more confident?

• What are three things you're grateful for?

• What are three things people love about you?

• What are three things you can do today you couldn't do ten years ago?

Brene Brown says “Comparison says, 'Be like everyone else, but better.'”

I no longer want to be “better” than anyone. My intention is to be better than I was yesterday. I'm done thinking I need to compete with everyone. I want to do the exact opposite. I want to support and lift everyone up!

We are human, comparing is what we do. It's how we interpret the thoughts that follow that matter.

I'd love to offer my support to you.

You can schedule a curiosity here.

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Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.

With so much gratitude,

Self compassion is a form of self care. My beach walks are part of my self care routine.