Walking On Eggshells Is Exhausting. This Is How I Set A Boundary And Said ‘No More.’
Welcome back, I'm happy you're here.
I had a few ideas for this week and possibly due to the heat, I lacked the motivation to write something original. This week I'm recycling a popular post from social media, sharing a boundary I found the courage to set. (If you read the original, I've updated it.)
Do you enjoy walking on eggshells? I don't.
To me, walking on eggshells is the idea of being so cautious to not wake the sleeping (angry) dog. An idea of tip-toeing around a certain temperament. Just recently, I realized that there is someone in my life that I walk on eggshells around. I've been afraid to say the wrong thing, for how they would receive it and then respond.
This way of living makes me very uncomfortable. I didn't feel safe saying what I really thought or expressing my authentic self. Walking on eggshells has turned me into a ticking time bomb. If I'm busy protecting them, who is protecting me while I bottle all of this up?
I resented them for making me feel this way. I eventually realized the resentment wasn't fair. They had no idea I was compromising myself around them.
I was ready to make a change. I started protecting myself, before my bomb exploded. I was ready to set a boundary. I shared my experience with them and what I'll be ok with moving forward. That was a very difficult conversation for both of us.
My sanity and comfort are finally my priority.
Some people cringe when they hear the word boundary. I think of it as our unique instruction manual, telling everyone in our life what we are ok and not ok with. Boundaries make life easier. There is no guessing.
As people pleasers, we've allowed others to write our instruction manual. It becomes exhausting following their rules for our lives.
Example:
Pretend you're right handed. We've had a weekly lunch date for years and every week I suggest you eat with your left hand. Why? Because I'm left handed and it makes me more comfortable. All these years you've been awkwardly using a fork or chop sticks with your left hand. When you eat with other people, you remember how easy it is to use your right hand. What setting a boundary with me looks like: “Joey, I enjoy our meals together. From now on, I'll be eating with my right hand. If that doesn't work for you, I'll miss our weekly lunches.”
Sometimes boundaries are respected and sometimes they aren't. This is where the real work comes into play. If I disagree with your new plan, you get to choose what's more important, your comfort or keeping me happy.
Setting and holding the boundaries pushes us to stand our ground. We are saying “I love myself and this is what I need. If you love me, you will respect that.”
My invitation for you:
Bring to mind someone you walk on eggshells around:
What makes them fragile?
On a scale of 1-10 (10 being I don't recognize myself) How much are you compromising yourself?
How much would you like to compromise yourself?
What does prioritizing yourself look like?
What boundary would you like to set and what could be the first step?
Are you wanting to feel confident in yourself?
Are you wanting support in creating your instruction manual?
Are you wanting to dance like no one is watching?
You can schedule a curiosity here.
Let's get curious together.
I'd love to learn something about you.
Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
With so much gratitude,
