Feeling unappreciated? Try this…
Welcome back, I'm happy you're here.
Lounging in the pool, trying to escape the heat, I was playing 20 questions with my friend about her new job. A major perk was she was acknowledging her love of being appreciated. I said “it sounds like one of your love languages is 'words of affirmation'”.
I was reminded of a job where I felt unappreciated. My interpretation was that my boss constantly gave me things to do, with no appreciation, no 'thank you' to follow. I felt mildly taken advantage of. It didn't feel good. I felt icky. I had little motivation to step up to the challenge. When I feel appreciated, I want to go above and beyond.
I took my own advice and started to validate myself. While it feels good to be seen and appreciated by others, it's not my boss's responsibility for me to feel valued.
“Thank you for always being available.”
“Thank you for being a team player.”
“Thank you for being flexible in scheduling.”
“Thank you for your calming energy.”
These are a few of the things I would say to myself, under my breath. In all the places I wished she would show some appreciation and gratitude, I was showing it to myself. I was feeling better.
Something crazy happened next. After a week of practicing this, a coworker expressed their gratitude for all my hard work. Out of the blue they texted me. My jaw dropped. I remember exactly where I was when I received the text. Their sentiments were genuine and I was able to receive them with love. My bucket was full and this was a bonus.
Hours later, now lounging next to the pool, my friend was expressing some mild frustration and confusion with another part of her life. I brought up her love language again, asking how often she praises her efforts, and how far she's come. Asking “what would it look like if you were to give herself more words of affirmation?” She appreciated the reminder.
Gary Chapman came up with the 5 Love Languages, helping people better understand themselves and show others how they most feel loved.
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
My invitation for you:
Take the quiz here to find out your Love Language.
Were you surprised by the results?
Have a conversation with some of your favorite people, discussing each other's love languages.
How can you show yourself some love, using your preferred love language?
Even if 'Words of Affirmation' isn't your primary love language, how can you pat yourself on the back and celebrate all your hard work?
While I'm attempting to embrace a minimalist lifestyle, purging stuff from my place and buying less, I realized I love buying myself gifts. It's been a while since I've bought myself something (for fun) and last week I happily bought myself a couple of dresses I had been eyeing for months. I felt loved.
Are you wanting life to feel easier?
Are you wanting to feel more respected and appreciated?
Are you wanting to have energy at the end of the day and feel accomplished?
What can I take off your plate?
How can I hold space for you?
How can I applaud you for all your hard work?
You can schedule a curiosity here.
Let's get curious together.
I'd love to learn something about you.
Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
With so much gratitude,
