How I lost 100 pounds of emotional weight.
Welcome back, I'm happy you're here.
Last week I forgot to tell you about the 100 pound grudge I was carrying. (In case you missed last week, it's here.) I blamed my bosses for what happened. I wanted to hold them accountable for mistreating me.
grudge- noun “a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury”
I often (persistently) wondered “How could THEY do that to ME?”
Lacking the tools to release my anger, I held on to my resentment for over ten years. To be honest, for the first few years I enjoyed blaming them, making them the “bad guys,” until my bottled up anger started to affect my life. I searched for ways to shed the emotional weight.
I learned to take responsibility for my actions.
This was a challenge for me to acknowledge/accept. My lack of boundaries and low self confidence allowed them to coerce me. If I had a strong moral compass, I'd like to think I would have said no. Avoiding being difficult, I abandoned my values to keep them happy.
I learned the power of forgiveness.
I spent days, weeks, months, years forgiving myself for not knowing any better. “Joey, I forgive you for being scared to speak up for yourself.” I forgave my bosses, through journaling, for blaming me for their unmet expectations. “Boss, I forgive you for using me to lie for you.” (For the record, I'm sure I would give them the stink eye if I ever see them. While I released the anger, they lost my respect.)
I learned how to set boundaries.
I ask for clarity on people's “expectations.” I tell them what I want, what I'm capable of and what I don't want. I'm mindful when saying “no” when I fear it'll disappoint them, and I learned that saying “yes" to keep them happy, is disappointing myself. I don't like letting people down and I'm done letting myself down.
This took years of trial and error.
Years of putting my needs second or third.
Years of being disappointed... Disappointing myself.
I finally said enough is enough.
My invitation for you:
Bring to mind someone you’re blaming for
(fill in the blank) happening.
How do you feel when thinking about them?
How is it impacting your life?
What would forgiveness look like?
What boundary do you wish you set?
Resentment keeps us stuck and in the past. When we choose to move forward, we're free to be present to the here and now.
Brene Brown says “choose discomfort over resentment.”
I'm curious, what do you think?
Are you ready for a change?
I'd love to find out how I can support you.
You can schedule a curiosity here.
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Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
With so much gratitude,
Baby Hummingbirds