Will I Ever Be A Mom?
Welcome back, I'm happy you're here.
Early on, I knew my 'purpose' was to be a mom.
I've always wanted kids.
It's been a nonnegotiable.
At 43, I was sure I would be married with kids.
Clearly the Universe has other plans for me.
I've been angry, sad, frustrated and heartbroken that my wish has yet to come true.
Over the years I had heard of women freezing their eggs and yet, I was sure that I wouldn't need to do that. Also, the financial commitment, without a guarantee, was a gamble I wasn't interested in.
Until now.
My time is running out.
As much as I want to leave everything up to fate, I also want to know that I tried everything. At 41, I realized if I didn't explore the process of freezing my eggs, I would regret it.
My initial consult was Aug 4th, 2020. I had no idea what to expect and thought by the next month I could check this off my list. After a failed first attempt, I surrendered to the process. I can't control how many follicles I have. I can control how I respond to the low number.
After countless acupuncture appointments (specializing in fertility), Feb 2021 was looking like a good month to try again.
I spent over a week injecting myself with hormones and had almost daily ultra sounds to confirm my follicles were growing the same size, together.
On a Friday morning, with bruises on my belly, I went in for surgery to retrieve my follicles. I honestly had no idea what to expect. Feeling a little nervous, I put my headphones on and started to count backwards from 10, 9, 8…
Less than 15 minutes later, I am happy to say I have 5 eggs on ice.
I'm not going to lie, I'm also a bit discouraged that it's only 5.
Why didn't I do this sooner, when I had an abundance?
I made two more attempts, but the count was too low to follow through. I decided 5 would be the magic number. As my Doctor said, I only need one to be healthy.
The thing is, this is just the first step.
Eventually they will get fertilized.
Undergo genetic testing.
Once all the potential set backs are cleared…
I implant the embryo and hope it thrives inside my body.
Until then… I go about my life, with a tiny sliver of hope and gratitude that I did it.
To answer your question- As of this moment, I don't have the desire to raise a child on my own… as I get older and if my relationship status continues to be 'single,' that might change.
My real take away from this experience is that I want to tell every woman, who might want children, to research freezing their eggs.
Do I wish someone took the time to really break it down for me?
Of course!
Do I wish I knew my follicle count was shrinking and the best time to retrieve them is when I'm younger and they are healthy?
Of course! That would have definitely played a role in my decision making.
Can I be that person for others?
I hope so!
It's what I do with this experience that matters.
My invitation for you:
Bring to mind 3 things you are grateful for:
While I go back and forth being frustrated that my life hasn't turned out “the way I wanted it to” I also find ways to be grateful for where I am right now.
I'm grateful I have 5 eggs on ice.
I'm grateful I had the funds to pay for the process/procedure.
I'm grateful I have the time to give my undivided attention to my clients and their healing journey.
I'm grateful for you!
Please consider sharing this with the women in your life. I'm happy to answer any questions about the process.
Schedule a free curiosity call to find out how I can help you.
Your future self will thank you!
To stay up to date, subscribe to my newsletter to receive these weekly in your inbox.
Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
With so much gratitude,
