Am I being selfish?
Welcome back, I'm happy you're here.
How many times have you said “I'll do __X____ when I have time.” Out of curiosity, did you ever do it?
I get it. Sometimes it's just hard to commit to the things we tell ourselves we want to do. Especially when no one is watching or waiting.
I live one mile from the ocean. I love the beach. I love to walk in the sand and watch the sun set over the ocean. I love how the beach calms me.
But for many years I only managed to make it to the beach two or three times a month. What in the world stopped me? It's all downhill from my house to the beach and all uphill on the way home. I'd argue with myself about whether to drive, ride my bike or walk. I'd judge myself if I drove. I judged myself for the times I never made it out the door. And in the end, I'd stay home doing busy work.
Friends and family assumed I went to the beach every day. I wanted to be that person, a person who flung my bag over my shoulder, marched out the front door, down the hill and wriggled my bare feet in the warm sand.
Then something shifted. I pulled out my calendar and scheduled my beach time. Sunday mornings. For almost a year now, every Sunday morning, I wake up and head down to the beach. I walk a few miles in the sand, listening to the silence, the waves, music, a book or a podcast. It is in my calendar. It's no longer “when I have time.” I choose to make the time. Sundays are my favorite!
I now prioritize my well being. The important things go on my list and get scheduled in my calendar. If I don't make the time, it won't happen.
Turns out, I'm not alone. A client wanted to organize their pantry and paint the walls. The activity felt daunting. Unsure where to start, for months they procrastinated, giving into the mental stress. They were excited to throw on a smock and get creative with the walls, but they were penalizing themself, saving the paint until the end. I suggested painting first, starting the project with the enjoyable task. With a new pop of color, the room was more inviting, creating a momentum that made organizing easier.
A client just texted to ask if we could reschedule our call. Her husband had just returned from out of town and invited her on a breakfast date. My client is clear about her priorities. How could I say no to that!
I am a work in progress. I try to be mindful of my priorities. Sometimes I need to stop and ask myself–is my life a reflection of my desires and intentions? If not, what needs to shift?
My invitation for you:
Bring to mind a recent time you said “when I have time…”
What are the odds you'll get to it?
What do you wish the odds were?
Is this something you would like to prioritize?
What's stopping you from doing it this week?
If this is something you don't intend to do, how comfortable do you feel acknowledging it's not a priority right now?
How much judgment do you harbor being “selfish,” prioritizing your well being?
I started to make a photo album for 2020. I got to May and lost my motivation. It felt more like a chore than a fun project. Instead of continuing to move it to next week's list, I checked in with myself and decided to pause the activity. I felt guilty for my lack of motivation and judged myself for being lazy. I took the photo album off my to-do list, knowing that when I felt inspired, I would start it up again, or I wouldn't! And I was ok with that.
Do you want support to prioritize the things you enjoy? I'd love to help you!
Schedule a free curiosity call to find out more.
Your future self will thank you!
To stay up to date, subscribe to my newsletter.
Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
Me, on a Sunday morning in January.
With so much gratitude,