Wanting To Feel More Relaxed?
'Tis the holiday season, which usually means more family time, sometimes a little more than we want. I felt inspired to recycle this oldie but goodie, with an exciting update at the end.
We've been invited to listen in on a coaching session.
Client- I'm feeling anxious about our family vacation.
Joey- Why do you think you're feeling anxious?
Client- I haven't been back home in a few years. I'm excited to see friends but I'm having anxiety about seeing certain family members. I didn't have the best childhood.
Joey- Do you have to see them?
Client- They are family, of course I do.
Joey- Says who? You're an adult, this is your vacation. Who says you have to see them?
Long pause…
Client- You mean I don't have to see them?
Joey- Not if the idea is causing you stress. I am not telling you what to do, I am just helping you see your choices. The two obvious choices I see are to keep them happy or to keep you happy.
Client- It never occurred to me I could go home and not see them.
Joey- That makes sense. With your big heart, you're committed to keeping everyone else happy, it can be easy to neglect what might make you happy. What is your intention for this family vacation, what would make YOU happy?
Client- To have fun, relax and see all of our friends. My kids haven't seen their friends in a few years and they are so excited to see them.
Joey- Are you open to doing a little visualization?
Client- Yes.
Joey- Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Picture this: You're in the car, it's the last day of your trip and you're pulling back into your neighborhood. You've had the best ten days of your life.
Are you driving or in the passenger seat?
What are the kids doing in the back?
Think about the last ten days, how are you feeling?
What were some of your favorite moments?
How is everyone feeling about the trip?
What made this trip so relaxing, fun and magical?
Another long pause…
Client- That was amazing, I can't wait to go pack! Seriously, I'm so excited for this vacation!
Joey- Can I make a suggestion?
Client- Of course.
Joey- Ask your husband and children what their intention for this vacation is, what they are most looking forward to. Your kids might be excited about watching movies all day on the drive. Your husband might be thrilled to be out of cell range.
When we set intentions, clear, specific intentions, it's easier to obtain them, because we know what we are working towards.
Your intention is to have fun and relax. I would spend some time writing down what that looks like, specifically.
To some people “fun” is reading a book and to others it's getting drunk and going dancing.
What does fun mean to you? Once you define it, you'll be able to recognize when you're actually experiencing it.
Client- That makes sense, thank you!
Dear client, thank you for inviting us in.
Update: It's been over two years since we had that session and so much has shifted. The family she was feeling anxious to see, she now feels overwhelming joy when they visit and is heartbroken when they leave. The transformation of their relationship is beautiful and inspiring.
My invitation for you:
Think about a recent time you compromised yourself to keep another person happy:
Maybe you agreed to do whatever your boss asked, put your dream on hold to support a loved one, moved across the country for a loved one, said yes to a weekend getaway during your busiest month, you're an introvert and you said yes when your tank was already empty, or maybe you said yes to a holiday party when you really don't want to go?
Why did you think you had to say yes?
What did you fear if you said no?
How did you feel after the fact?
What’s one obligation you can release today?
When we sacrifice our peace of mind to keep others happy, we abandon ourselves. We are reiterating that their needs are more important than ours. This is when resentment starts to kick in.
Next time you feel obligated to say yes, find out why you feel that way.
What are the consequences of saying no?
Can you live with them?
Friendly reminder, we always have a choice. It helps to explore our options before assuming there are none.
Thanks for being here, my friend. I hope you're having a restful and joyous holiday season. May all your intentions, dreams and wishes come true in the New Year!
With so much gratitude,
