Feeling Misunderstood and a Little Co-dependent.
Most of my life I've been misunderstood.
Either my face makes an expression that leads people to believe something far from what I'm thinking or my brain goes a mile a minute, and when trying to speak, I leave out important details.
Last week I asked my friend a question. I clearly had this expression because she asked me “why do you look so disgusted?” My sister chimed in and said “that's just her face.”
It's not the first or last time that will be said “it's just my face.”
I wasn't thinking anything disgusting, but maybe my thinking face gives the impression that confuses people… which leads to misunderstanding.
There's a popular saying in recovery rooms; if I'm in JDE, I'm definitely in codependency (I'm paraphrasing.)
Justify
Defend
Explain
As a former people pleaser, and someone who often felt the need to explain myself for fear of being misunderstood, I found myself speechless when I remembered this.
Asking myself “have I been codependent this whole time?” Overly worried about what they thought of me, always justifying, defending or explaining my way into their good graces?
Or, knowing that I've been misunderstood, do I explain myself to avoid any confusion, less concerned about their approval of me?
Where I want to be, sitting on her dock.
I honestly don't know the answer.
But I do love an opportunity to learn and grow.
When I'm wanting to defend or explain myself, I'll stop and consider why I feel the need to.
Years ago my sister told me the reason (she thinks) men don't approach me is because I look like I'm a bitch, I'm too intimidating.
The funny thing is, I'm the intimidated one, feeling shy and uncomfortable. For a hot minute, I thought about making a shirt that said “I'm nice, I promise.”
It's normal to want people to like us.
It's normal for us to want to be understood.
But to what extent?
How far will we take it?
I half believe people have already made up their mind. It's not my job to change it, it's my job to continue to live in integrity, do as I say and say as I do. Maybe when they first met me, they thought I was a bitch. I could either try to convince them I'm not, or show them I'm not.
Why is it so important they know I'm a kind person?
I know I'm kind and that is all that should matter.
But sometimes it's not, and that's when I'll explore why it's important to me.
Why do I care what this person thinks more than a stranger on the street?
And that, my friend, is probably codependency. (I'm still learning, so feel free to chime in if I've got it all wrong. And now this would be me explaining that I'm not an expert and don't claim to be one… in case I gave the impression I was.) 🤦🏻♀️
My invitation for you:
Bring to mind a time you felt misunderstood:
How did you respond?
Why was it important this person understood you?
My friend, are you ready to feel more confident?
You can schedule a curiosity call here.
It's a friendly conversation, with no strings attached.
I created a free worksheet to help people figure out their core values and how to apply them in their every day life.
Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
With so much gratitude,
