A Coaching Session: Parents + Bedtime = Anger, Resentment, Guilt, Exhaustion…

My happy place - Hawaii!

We've been invited to listen in on a coaching session.

Client: I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do.

Joey: What's going on?

Client: My daughter won't go to sleep when it's bedtime. It's a struggle every night and I'm about to lose it.

Joey: Why is it so important to you that she goes to sleep then?

Client: After a full work day, I'm looking forward to getting caught up on my own stuff. I can't get anything done when she's awake.

Joey: It makes sense you're at your wits end.

Client: I feel so behind in my life. By the time she does go to bed, I can only get to a few things before I pass out.

Joey: Why do you think she's resisting bedtime?

Client: She wants more time with Mommy.

Joey: That makes sense. And I can't help but wonder, if she's eating into your personal time, how long before you start resenting her for feeling behind in life?

Client: I've definitely had moments where I wanted to blame her, which doesn't feel fair to her. I don't want to take my exhaustion out on her.

Joey: Having that awareness is great. Knowing what you don't want, helps to narrow down what you do want. So… you can continue this approach, of the bedtime struggle or we can try something else. What do you think?

Client: I want to try something else… but what?

Joey: I know I've said this before, but I believe only you know that answer. I'm curious, what's most important to you, regarding your daughter?

Client: That she knows how loved she is. I don't want her to think my having to work means I don't love her. Of course I want to spend all my time with her… well almost all my time.

Joey: I can tell you love her deeply. Knowing you want to spend your time with her and she wants to spend time with you, what kind of tweak can you make to your bedtime routine?

Client: (Long pause)

Warm wind, blues skies and lush nature… I'm in heaven!

 … Maybe I can suggest if she wants to be with me, after her bedtime, I can let her know it's quiet time. She can be with me, while I'm getting some of my work done, as long as she's quiet.

Joey: That sounds like a great idea. You get to be with her while still getting personal stuff done. I wouldn't be surprised if she falls asleep within 5 minutes. Do you have any other ideas?

Client: This feels so weird, but maybe have a mothers helper one night a week.

Joey: Why does it feel weird?

Client: To hire someone to be with her while I get personal stuff done, I don't know. Date night is one thing. But to pay someone to be with her while I'm home. Maybe that's what it is… I feel guilty being home and not being available to her. So maybe that's a growth edge for me, releasing the guilt or leaving the house if I do get a babysitter. Either way, I'll start with the quiet time with mommy and see how that goes.

Joey: It sounds like you might have a couple of options. How does that feel?

Client: I'm excited to try quiet time.

Joey: When do you want to start quiet time with mommy?

Client: I'll try tonight. I'll see how the bedtime routine goes. If it feels like it'll be a struggle, I'll tell her about my plan and see what she thinks.

Joey: Perfect. I look forward to hearing how it goes.

Client: Thank you! I feel lighter and a bit relieved.

Joey: You're very welcome.

Watching the sun set over Oahu, from Molokai. I love capturing moments like this (of strangers) and then sharing it with them. They were grateful for the photo.

Lately I've been calling myself a fairy godmother. I think it's kind of funny, but it's how I feel, swooping in and making people's lives a little easier and lighter. I've also been calling myself a professional problem solver.

If you know anyone who is looking for a fairy godmother or professional problem solver, send them my way. They will be forever grateful to you!

Something to ponder:

• When something isn't going “your way,” how do you respond?

• How often are you flexible on the outcome?

• Ask yourself WHY you're so fixated on it going “your way.”

My friend, now is the time to release the struggles from your life. It's time to take a deep breath, in and out, drop the weight of the world from your shoulders and spend more time doing the things that put a smile on your face! Believe me, you'll thank me. I just spent 12 days in Hawaii!

Not sure what you want? You can schedule a curiosity call here. 

It's a friendly conversation, with no strings attached.

I created a free worksheet to help people figure out their core values and how to apply them in their every day life.

Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.

With so much gratitude,