When My Assumptions Got Me In Trouble.

A hammock with a view!

I can't believe they ate my brownie… without even asking!

The nerve!

Let me backup for a minute...

I was staying with some friends in Hawaii. There is a coffee shop that makes the most delicious (I can't believe it's not gluten) gluten free brownies. Whenever I'm on the island, I stop by the coffee shop at least once.

I drove 25 minutes to grab two brownies, one for me and one for my friends. Yes, I know, I'm crazy. When I got back to the house, she cut one up to share with their guests. (In my mind, she was sharing hers, because I was feeling greedy and wanted one whole brownie all to myself.)

Fast forward to the next morning. I'm walking through the dining room, planning to break off a piece of my brownie, before meditating outside in the hammock.

It's gone.

I had left it on the table, in the cardboard to-go box.

The box was gone.

Why would they eat my brownie without asking?

Did I take it to my room and forget? No, I double checked.

Did they move it?

Nope, I looked everywhere.

Then I remembered, they went to dinner last night with a friend with cancer. They brought a bag of stuff for him. Did they give him my brownie?

The insane thing about this mild freak out is if they asked, I would have said yes. When it felt like they were taking it in secret, that felt like some sort of betrayal or disrespect?

On my way outside, figuring this is the best time to meditate and calm my nerves, I contemplated how to bring it up. “Did you take my brownie?” That feels childish.

At the bottom of the stairs, as I'm about to walk across the grass to climb into the hammock I see half of the cardboard box the brownie had been in.

My anger transformed into anxiety, stress and guilt in a matter of seconds. THE DOG!?! What if the dog had gotten the brownie from the table and eaten it. We all know dogs can't eat chocolate.

She looks guilty, but this was taken before the brownie went missing.

No longer furious with my friends (for no reason), I now wondered if the dog was still alive, fearing it was my fault.

I tried to meditate but my mind wouldn't relax. I had so much anxiety.

Once they were awake I told them my concern.

“I think Eno ate my brownie. I saw the box ripped in half outside. The brownie is nowhere AND it was wrapped in plastic. What if she ate chocolate and plastic?”

My friend said the dog has eaten chocolate before. And the plastic will pass through her body. She showed no sign of concern.

Between you and me, I was mildly hoping she would confess to sharing the brownie with their friend. It would alleviate my anxiety and guilt.

The point of this story is- I don't know what happened to the brownie. 

I do know I made a lot of assumptions. In the past I would have held a grudge, never mentioning the brownie, and kept  them wondering why I'm being so short.

We all make assumptions.

We think we know why people do or don't do something.

We think we know how or why something happened.

I used to make a lot of assumptions.

It was one of the many ways to keep myself safe.

I now ask A LOT of questions.

I'm seeking clarity.

I'm done forfeiting opportunities for someone to explain themself, giving them a chance to tell me their version/experience.

It can be scary and vulnerable at first, but in my experience, it's better than resenting someone based on a false assumption.

From the last family get together (of 11 people)… not pictured, lots of cookies! 

What’s your favorite dessert?

Confirming you know this story has nothing to do with the actual brownie?

Lately I've been calling myself a fairy godmother. I think it's kind of funny, but it's how I feel, swooping in and making people's lives a little easier and lighter. I've also been calling myself a professional problem solver.

If you know anyone who is looking for a fairy godmother or professional problem solver, send them my way. They will be forever grateful to you!

My invitation for you:

Bring to mind a recent assumption you made about someone:

• How did you come to this assumption?

• How does it serve you to believe this assumption?

• What's a different assumption you can make, that cuts them some slack?

My friend, it's time to take a deep breath, in and out, drop the weight of the world from your shoulders and spend more time doing the things that put a smile on your face! Believe me, you'll thank me.

Not sure what you want? You can schedule a curiosity call here. 

It's a friendly conversation, with no strings attached.

I created a free worksheet to help people figure out their core values and how to apply them in their every day life.

Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.

With so much gratitude,