I Have Commitment Issues 😬
There is a family of Owls in the Palisades. I was in total awe when I saw them!
I think I have commitment issues.
I've been thinking about this for quite a few years.
I don't want to have commitment issues.
I want to be able to make a decision and feel good about it.
What I think is at the root is that if I say Yes to something today, I might miss a “better” opportunity later. So I continue to keep myself available, just in case.
Tucked deep down is also probably the fear of being disappointed.
This week I confronted that fear.
Let's rewind for a minute: For the last couple of years I've been subbing at my friend's preschool for two year olds. As the Fall of 2022 was approaching, they asked if I wanted to teach a class (for the whole year.)
I said No for a couple of reasons:
The part about working for myself that is so appealing means I can get up and go whenever I want, taking coaching calls from around the world.
Between you and me, I semi worried that if I officially worked there part time, people would think I had to take the job because coaching wasn't going well.
I didn't want to feel stuck for a whole year.
What I've acknowledged since then:
While I like the freedom to get up and go, I'm typically not a spontaneous person. I still get up and go, accommodating it around my schedule.
After learning about my Human Design, being a Manifesting Generator, I am a multi passionate person who always likes to be busy. I need side hustles to keep me engaged and stimulated.
It doesn't matter what other people think.
I don't feel stuck when I like where I am, what I'm doing and who I'm with.
So… while I said No to their offer in the fall, some might think I said Yes for how often I'm there 😉.
In the event I was asked again for this fall (which I was secretly wishing), I wanted to be prepared on how I truly felt, how I'd answer.
What I ultimately realized is that I am saying No to things in the present for a lifetime of possible 'what if's' in the future. I'm not in the future, I'm in the present.
All we have is now.
Listening/watching the trash truck drive through the alley. The highlight on Monday's.
I'm choosing to say YES to something that brings me joy NOW and if something “better” comes along, I will deal with it then.
I took it one step further, advocating for myself, and told them what I am available for, instead of waiting for them to ask or tell me their preference.
I spent most of my life accommodating others. This is me making my wants/needs a priority. If you want me, this is when you can have me.
In the past, with work or relationships, a part of me was seeking possible approval/validation and so I said yes always, putting my sanity, I mean my wants and needs aside to keep them happy.
Before hitting publish I had a coaching call. My client is having a similar experience, yet kind of the opposite.
How do we know when it's time to end a commitment? If advocating for ourselves is unfamiliar, it can feel scary the first time we do it, inviting fears of being greedy and selfish or the fear of rejection. I wrote about that here.
Are you ready to feel this kind of joy?!?
Lately I've been calling myself a fairy godmother. I think it's kind of funny, but it's how I feel, swooping in and making people's lives a little easier and lighter. I've also been calling myself a professional problem solver.
If you know anyone who is looking for a fairy godmother or professional problem solver, send them my way. They will be forever grateful to you!
Something to ponder:
How often do you say 'No' to something you want now, for the possibility of something better later?
What brings you joy that you fear people will judge you for?
When was the last time you advocated for yourself and how did it feel?
My friend, are you ready to declare what you want? It's time to take a deep breath, in and out, drop the weight of the world from your shoulders and spend more time doing the things that put a smile on your face! Believe me, you'll thank me.
Not sure what you want? You can schedule a curiosity call here.
It's a friendly conversation, with no strings attached.
I created a free worksheet to help people figure out their core values and how to apply them in their every day life.
Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
With so much gratitude,
