A Coaching Session: When we abandon ourself…
Welcome back, I have a surprise for you…
We've been invited to listen in on a coaching session.
Sam- I'm feeling anxious about our family vacation.
Joey- Why do you think you're feeling anxious?
Sam- I haven't been back home in a few years. I'm excited to see friends but I'm having anxiety about seeing certain family members. I didn't have the best upbringing.
Joey- Do you have to see them?
Sam- They are family, of course I do.
Joey- Says who? You're an adult, this is your vacation. Who says you have to see them?
Long pause…
Sam- You mean I don't have to see them?
Joey- Not if the idea is causing you stress. I am not telling you what to do, I am just helping you see your choices. The two obvious choices I see are to keep them happy or to keep you happy.
Sam- It never occurred to me I could go home and not see them.
Joey- That makes sense. With your big heart, you're committed to keeping everyone else happy, it can be easy to neglect what might make you happy. What is your intention for this family vacation, what would make YOU happy?
Sam- To have fun, relax and see all of our friends. My kids haven't seen their friends in a few years and they are so excited to see them.
Joey- Are you open to doing a little visualization?
Sam- Yes.
Joey- Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
Picture this: You're in the car, it's the last day of your trip and you're pulling back into your neighborhood.
Are you driving or in the passenger seat?
What are the kids doing in the back?
Think about the last ten days, how are you feeling?
What were some of your favorite moments?
How is everyone feeling about the trip?
Another long pause…
Sam- That was amazing, I can't wait to go pack! Seriously, I'm so excited for this vacation!
Joey- Can I make a suggestion?
Sam- Of course.
Joey- Ask your husband and children what their intention for this vacation is, what they are most looking forward to. Your kids might be excited about watching movies all day on the drive. Your husband might be thrilled to be out of cell range.
When we set intentions, clear, specific intentions, it's easier to obtain them, it's easier to know exactly what we want.
Your intention is to have fun and relax. I would spend some time writing down what that looks like.
To some people “fun” is reading a book and to others it's getting drunk and going dancing.
What does fun mean to you? Once you define it, you'll be able to recognize when you're actually having fun.
Sam- That makes sense, thank you!
Thank you Sam (not her real name, obviously) for inviting us in.
My invitation for you:
Think about a recent time you compromised yourself to keep another person happy.
Maybe you agreed to do whatever your boss asks.
Maybe you put your dream on hold to support a loved one.
Maybe you moved across the country for a loved one.
Maybe you said yes to a weekend getaway during your busiest month.
Maybe you're an introvert and you said yes to anything involving more than 4 people.
Why did you think you had to say yes?
What did you fear if you said no?
How did you feel after the fact?
When we sacrifice our peace of mind to keep others happy, we abandon ourselves. We are reiterating that their needs are more important than ours. This is when resentment starts to kick in.
Next time you feel obligated to say yes, find out why you feel that way.
What are the consequences of saying no?
Can you live with them?
Friendly reminder, we always have a choice. It helps to explore our options before assuming there are none.
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Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
With so much gratitude,