Are my expectations of others too high? Short answer, yes!
Welcome back, I'm happy you're here.
Pet peeve alert- People who talk/text on their phone at Trader Joe's. The aisles are already too narrow and then add a semi distracted person going slow or at a standstill, and it causes traffic jams. In the past, while mildly fuming, I was afraid to speak up, and afraid to sound passive aggressive. I thought, “How can they be so oblivious and insensitive? They are holding up all this traffic!” Expecting them to know I am behind them, in their blind spot, is silly. Now I let them know, making a honking sound, making it playful. “Beep beep, coming through!”
It took me years to get here. I held high expectations for people and I continued to be let down. We can only see what's in front of us, what we want to see. We can't see who or what is behind us. We easily see into everyone's blind spots, while ours are hidden to us. We are quick to tell people what is best for their life, while we keep hitting the same road blocks in our own lives.
I have always been a very observant person. With my photography, I captured moments that were gone in an instant. At the preschool I could anticipate when a shovel was about to get thrown. I assumed everyone saw the world the way I saw it.
I would get frustrated with people who seemed to be “oblivious.” My expectation- “This is how I show up in the world and therefore so should you.”
My sister and I, 17 months apart, grew up in the same house at the same time. We couldn't be more different! It's easy for me to save money. It's easy for her to make the piano sound breathtaking. Neither of us can do the other.
Expecting others to be as observant as I am, expecting my sister to be “better” with her money is the same as her expecting me to make the piano sound beautiful. It's not going to happen. It's asking a cat to bark.
I started to release my expectations of others. I learned to see people for who they are and not who I want them to be.
No expectation, no disappointment.
My invitation for you:
Think of someone who isn't meeting your expectation:
Why do you have this expectation?
Is this a realistic expectation?
Is it a realistic expectation for this person?
Have you clarified exactly what you want from them?
Do they have any interest in meeting this expectation?
Brene Brown discusses the idea of defining what “done” means in her book Dare to Lead.
"You can watch TV when you're done cleaning your room."
"Can you define done?"
"When your bed is made, clothes put away, shoes in your closet, and your jacket is hanging up.”
What you and I consider to be a clean room can be very different. When we expect 'they should know,' we are asking to be let down and disappointed.
Are you done being let down and disappointed?
Are you done holding your breath waiting for people to “figure it out?”
Are you ready to live your life, while trusting your loved ones will figure theirs out?
Being observant, seeing into your blind spot and helping you remove those annoying road blocks is my super power!
Schedule a free curiosity call to find out more.
Your future self will thank you!
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Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
With so much gratitude,