How I Went From Pure Rage To Gratitude…
Don’t let the smile fool you…
I’m fuming on the inside!
Welcome back, I'm happy you're here.
I have a story for you, but first a little background…
I tell people I was born at 7:00A and I've been on time ever since.
I'd rather be 30 minutes early than 2 minutes late.
Now for the story… It's 2015, I've quit my job, spent a month in Bali and now I'm exploring what's next. I'm sitting in a folding metal chair, in a circle with 10 other chairs, one remains empty. We are on the second floor, with sunshine pouring through the large windows. The room is empty all around us. I'm excited, curious and very apprehensive.
In previous years I had received healing body work from an incredible woman and I wanted to learn this technique. I signed up for their intro course and drove to Berkely, CA for the week long training.
As we are going around the circle, introducing ourselves, a woman busts through the door. Not only is she late, she's disruptive and unprepared. She rummages through her fanny pack looking for a pen. Once she's settled in the remaining chair and it's her turn for introductions, she mentions she's highly sensitive to electronics and asks us all to turn off our phones…. She didn't mean put them on silent, she meant turn them OFF.
I, on the other hand, would enter the room 5 minutes early, quietly, with pen and paper ready to go. I was in my seat and ready at 9AM. EVERYDAY of the workshop she would have this grand entrance and everyday she was late.
I'm sitting in silence, trying to be respectful and this woman has the audacity to cause a scene. I can't focus, her disruptions have my complete attention. Back then I would have said SHE triggered me. Now I say I was feeling triggered by this occurrence.
My definition of being triggered: When someone's actions defy my values. When they say or do something that goes against my moral compass and for some reason I feel threatened… I take their actions personally. The part I don't like; I start to judge them.
My thoughts:
How could she?
She's so rude!
She's so inconsiderate!
Can't she for once be on time?
Can't she for once come in quietly?
Who does she think she is?
Won't someone please say something to her!
I was feeling triggered!
This is where I might lose some of you… I am grateful for these moments. I am grateful for the times I'm feeling triggered. (I wasn't then.)
What I learned from being triggered that day:
It's ok to take up space.
It's ok to be loud.
It's ok to be late.
It's ok to not be prepared.
It's ok to ask for what you want.
I was envious of her. She had little regard for what others thought of her. I was subconsciously mad at her comfortably being herself. I think I've been mad at myself all these years, acting the way I thought I was 'supposed to' act. Don't get me wrong, being punctual and respectful are great qualities to have and in the last few years, I've allowed myself to be late a few times. I've also started asking for what I want.
My invitation for you:
Bring to mind a recent time you were feeling triggered:
What did they do that you didn't approve of?
How did it feel personal?
How might you be envious of them?
How would you like to feel the next time it happens?
Feel free to refer back to this and the work of Byron Katie when you're feeling triggered.
Triggers are incredible opportunities for me and my growth. Once I acknowledge what's at the root, the next time it happens, I'm less annoyed.
My friend, are you ready to take up space?
Are you ready to feel less triggered by the people in your life?
Are you ready to ask for what you want and get it?
Let me be that person for you.
I will hold space and take good care of your mind, body and soul!
You can schedule a curiosity here.
It's a friendly conversation, let's get curious together.
Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing you next time.
With so much gratitude,
I'd love to hear your caption of this photo.
